I didn't shave. On purpose
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
