I wish I could teleport
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
