There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
