So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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