if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
