White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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