Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
