Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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