so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
