Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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