so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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