dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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