I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize