quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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