i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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