hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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