Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
