How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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