I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
