oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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