im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
