So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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