Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
