The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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