**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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