Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
