Don't you send me to vm
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
