i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
