I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize