if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
