She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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