rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
