who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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