dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize