So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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