i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
