I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
