I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are we still banned from the library?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
