u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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