Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
