mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
