just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
