thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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