I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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