There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
