508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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