so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like abortions should bother me more
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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