Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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