anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
