Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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