She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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