Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bring money and cleavage
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
