What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
