I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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