Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize