I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
