I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
