I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
