i need an iv and a liver transplant
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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