Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
