uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
