He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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