so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
