i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
