I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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