I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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