she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
