they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
