your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
