I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize