Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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