i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
