Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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