Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
