I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
