Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
