I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
