And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
