so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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