Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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