dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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