you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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