I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize