How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
