I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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