Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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