Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
