I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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