She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
