If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
