You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
