he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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