I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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