FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
