I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
