Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
