i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
