Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
